Uptown Intelligence Test p.1 40oz. of Wizdom















Welcome, to the country's finest learning establishment - Uptown University. Behind these walls walked some of the world's greatest minds - from Pol Pot to Sandy Duncan. Our science program has operated on some of the most well behaved lab animals (cute too!) and Professor Waz's lecture, Talentless: Understanding Blink 182, has been the center of many discussions in the musical community.

"From the Uptown Rulers' teachings, I learned about myself - both mentally and sexually."
-Hillary Rodem Clinton

Our proud tradition focuses on strengthening an individual's inner self. It's a curriculum mixing a working knowledge of the world around them. The following entrance exam gauges your knowledge of The Uptown Rulers, pop culture, boobie recognition and some common fuckin' sense. We'll start with a practice question:

Is the following a picture of a prancing fairy or a sexual god?

Answer: sexual god (Now, stop fucking around and get serious!)

I realize by this point in your travels you've forgotten most of what you learned in school. Little things like who discovered America and which Amendment protects our Right to Free Speech has fallen victim to lines of coke, excessive amounts of alcohol and various STDs. Now it's time to redeem yourself. Applying to Uptown University gives you a chance to put your life back together and learn a profitable trade.

So dust off that wad of gum you call your brain and start thinking. You need to keep track of your score to properly calculate how well you did.

1 CORRECT ANSWER = 1 POINT

There are 20 questions. 20 correct answers would give you how many points? That's right! 32,444,435! So don't expect a simple grading system, not all is as it seems. By the way, if you're competing with friends, gather up all the answers before you hit the Answer button because it reveals all the answers. You'll see what I mean.

Okay. One last bong hit. Go aheadů I'll wait.

Ready? Good. NOW GO!!!

LET'S LEARN!


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